Before and After
by Delphi1138
Summary: *Minor Post-Game Spoilers* Before when he asked her, he was just a kid. Three years later Hope is eighteen and has a question to ask Lightning. This time maybe the answer has changed.  I suck at summaries


**Author's Notes:** So this is my submission for the other part of the Crystal Hearts contest by haikomori in the HopexLightning section. I really do like this couple. I think they're adorable and I can't help but think Hope running around doing the crazy things he does (attacking monsters head on, playing with ancient machines he shouldn't) is kind of like a kid with a crush on the teacher just desperately trying to get her attention. But I'm weird so whatever.

Admittedly serious fics are NOT my strong suit so if this is all blah and crappy guess it means I have to try harder next time. But it was a cute little idea popped into my head. I don't think it translated as well to print as my imagination and my ability to capture scenes in words don't always line up. But enough griping about my lack of skills. If it sucks it sucks, but I hope it brings a smile to your face. I didn't have a beta-reader for this one but I think I caught all my major errors.

2/22/2011 - Nope missed a glaringly obvious error. Fixed now.

* * *

"You're not just asking me to go on a date because you think I'm lonely, are you?"

Lightning was expecting an answer. And he had none. Hope Estheim had firmly planted his feet on territory he was completely unfamiliar with: The untamable land known as the female psyche. He was far beyond enemies lines with no one to rescue him this time.

He'd asked her on complete impulse. Maybe the atmosphere of the wedding reception was getting to him. He figured the worst she'd say was no. After all, she'd told him time and time again how mature he was for his age. Apparently mature for his age and physical age didn't match up when it came to asking out older women. This was not the response he was expecting. Even a flat out "No, never bring that up again" would have been preferable to what she'd asked.

"No, that's not it," Hope began, his treacherous voice cracking the slightest bit. But Lightning interrupted before he could gain control.

"Hope, you're fifteen," She pointed out bluntly, adding insult the injury. "If I were sixteen or maybe even seventeen this would be normal. But I'm not. I'm twenty two." Trust Light to pull out cold, hard logic. Even in a bride's maid gown, she could dish out the hurt. "Far too old for you."

'You're only saying that because I'm underage… ' Hope thought to himself and cursed his status as a minor. If he was eighteen and she was twenty five sure there'd still be people talking but it'd be far more accepted. He looked about the reception and the people enjoying the occasion and found some couples where their ages weren't perfectly matched.

"So what if I asked you when I'm eighteen?" Hope asked, figuring that again the worst thing she could say was no.

"You should find a girl your own age. You're only asking me because I'm the only female you've had consistent contact with since the Purge that's not in crystal stasis. Find a nice, normal girl and take her out to a movie or something. You do have school, right? You'll meet someone there." Lightning deflected the question expertly, he had to admit.

"You didn't say no," He pointed out, not letting her parry distract him from his goal. Lightning didn't answer, instead examining a fluted glass of punch. "So that means there's still a chance, right?" Hope probed further. This time he got a sigh from the woman as she stood up to her full height. She was still so much taller than him; towering when in heels.

"I'll tell you what," Lightning began slowly, eyes focused on something in the distance, farther than the closest few tables. "I'll make you a deal. _When _you're eighteen and if I'm still single I'll let you take me on a date."

He was ecstatic. A "we'll see" wasn't a no! He still had a chance. In the midst of his mental rejoicing he felt a finger poke against his forehead and then his hair ruffled. Lightning smiled gently at him, her uncharacteristically bare hand still resting on his head. It was a smile he swore only he and Serah ever saw.

"But until then, we're dropping the subject. Got it?" She said softly, trying not to shoot him down too harshly. It didn't matter though. In three short years, he'd be asking her again.

* * *

He was nervous. So very nervous. But excited as well. Such a whirl of different emotions and experiences. He thought today would never come.

Today was the day he'd been waiting for the last three years. Today was the day he would be asking Lightning again.

Of course he'd done as Light told him and never brought up the subject to her in those three years but mentally he'd always had it on the back burner. He'd done what she'd suggested and had dated around school. It also helped to get his dad off his back. It was a bit difficult, rumors were spread about him being one of the l'cie but they were hard pressed for proof without a brand. But all the girls he'd dated he found completely…what was the word…boring. That was it. They were dull.

He supposed that after running for his life and fighting alongside a very beautiful woman through just about all the dangers Cocoon had to offer, dinner and a movie just couldn't measure up. A quick trip down memory lane told him though that if he'd never become a l'cie, these girls would have been more than enough excitement. But that was a different life. A boring, wasted life without any direction.

Hope knew he had to take risks now. So this time he leaped headlong into danger.

The joint Guardian Corp/PSICOM base had grown since he was last in this part of the city. Now with a joined purpose the two branches had decided to bury the hatchet. PSICOM, with their superior armour and technology, patrolled the perimeter of the new settlements to deflect larger monster attacks. The GC adapted easily as the police force for the Cocoon citizens, keeping order. Hope knew that HQ would know where to find Lightning so he approached the nearest guard tower. Today must have been a slow day because this guard looked incredibly interested in the young man.

"State your name and business," the guard demanded tersely through his helmet's com. Yeah, guy had reason to be tough while surrounded by concrete and bulletproof glass with a kid approaching him.

"Just looking for a friend. You know Lightning Farron?" Hope replied nonchalantly and offered a friendly smile. People were often disarmed when he flashed a smile. Somehow he managed to keep a certain amount of innocence into adulthood.

"Yeah, I know her." Suddenly the guard lost interest. Hope wanted to chuckle when he heard the guard drop the subject of Lightning like he'd been burned. Apparently she still had a reputation.

"She's out in Sector Three," the guard replied crisply and immediately went back to being engrossed in his guard post.

Sector Three wasn't too far off. Just a short jog. He'd get to take a look at the progress everyone had made too. He realized he never really looked around anymore.

The city was a mismatch of sleek Cocoon technology and angular Pulse machinery. Some of the newer buildings saw a better blend of the two technologies as the colonists unlocked more and more secrets from their nearly forgotten precursors. But Hope knew he couldn't forget them. Every time he saw Cocoon on the horizon, he thought of them and the gift Vanille and Fang left.

In the midst of this reverie he saw a flash of pink and a familiar voice pierced the air.

"Don't you dare think you can slack off! You're gonna wish you were dealing with the monsters when you're done with me!" Memories came flooding back from Lake Bresha. The first time he really saw Lightning was from the ground staring up at the giant of a woman. That scowl and the radiating coldness was enough to send him scrambling. He could see how she could be absolutely terrifying.

"I've seen a fourteen year old city kid with more stamina than you, recruit! Better at following directions, too!" Hope felt his face warm at that. As far as he knew, Lightning didn't hang out with any other fourteen year olds. Good to know she was proud of him in a roundabout way, he supposed.

He risked a glance around the corner of the building and saw several young recruits hunch over, gasping for breath in the typical GC uniform. Senses keen and honed as ever Lightning's gaze snapped to his location. Hope decided to reveal himself before she used him as target practice. Not quite the way he wanted to greet her but it was too late to fix that. He stepped out and gave a weak wave to the woman.

Lightning's eyes narrowed and her lips pursed as she looked over the intruder. Hope found she looked very much the same as she always did, except her hair was a few inches longer. A few seconds later her eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened.

"Hope? What are you doing here?" She asked, her tone softer than when she was barking at her recruits. Said recruits looked at each other dumbfounded, wondering if this was another one of her unorthodox training exercises. Some chuckled or all out laughed when they realized that "Hope" was the name of the lanky male that had just appeared in front of them.

Without missing a beat, Lightning drew her gunblade and pointed the sword at the snickering bunch while keeping her eyes on Hope. "Did I dismiss you, soldiers?" In an instant her voice was business again and her recruits were not longer at ease. Hope never knew how she swung between the two extremes so easily.

"Hi, Light," the silver haired man said quietly. He didn't realize he would be interrupting a training session. Nervously he ran his fingers through his hair. That part of him still hadn't changed much "I uh…" He started then tripped over his words again. He wasn't sure what to say now that he was here. Finally he decided to wing it. "Sorry to interrupt, I thought I'd drop by for a visit. Do you have time to talk?"

Aqua eyes flicked from Hope to the group of soldiers then back again. Hope got his answer in the typical non-conventional way that Light did things.

"I'm going to talk to my friend here. I want all of you to think of a way to improve your training and give me the answer when I return," Lightning commanded then strode to Hope. He fell in step beside her and realized he had at least a full inch on her now. They turned the corner as Lightning muttered quietly ,"If I let them see me as anything other than their worst nightmare, they won't behave. One of the most useless lot of recruits I've come by in a long while." Hope nodded, knowing it was better to leave Lightning to her own methods, harsh as they may be.

They walked in silence until they were well beyond earshot of her soldiers. She spun about and kept her eyes on Hope but also on the building corner.

"You've gotten tall," Lightning began, her voice softening again but the teasing edge was still there. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I came to see you actually. Haven't seen you in a while," Hope replied, trying to get a feel for if she was annoyed or not.

The corner of her mouth turned up with the slightest bit of a smile. "That's true. Looks like you've been well. Graduate from school?"

"Yeah," Hope nodded, still watching her body language carefully. "Actually graduated early. School isn't too exciting after saving the world and all."

"Is that so?" Light replied slowly. Her eyes were focused on the corner again. Hope could tell she was getting antsy. "Do you think we could meet up after my shift?" she continued. Hope knew he had to act before he lost his nerve. Waiting for her to be off work would kill him.

"I actually wanted to ask you something…" Hope started and Light nodded her head for him to continue. Her eyes were still on the corner.

"Do you remember what we talked about three years ago at Serah's reception?" He continued, looking for any change in her posture. Over the years he found that words were not enough to decipher what the enigmatic Lightning was thinking. Her body language was the only way to be sure. He saw her eyes lose focus on the corner, lost in thought. Her brows dropped ever so slightly and her mouth relaxed. Slowly she turned back to Hope though she didn't look him straight in the eyes.

"That when you turned eighteen , I'd let you take me on a date…" She replied quietly, the words drawn out near the end in realization. "So you've come to make good on that deal then?"

All Hope could do was nod. Any attempt he made to read her actions were for naught. She'd closed down that avenue of communication as well. And then she sighed.

"Very well then. I don't break my promises." Her tone was all business again. Hope felt his heart pound faster. Had he made her mad now? He looked frantically for any kind of clue, but she was carefully controlling her body. "Six o' clock? At Lebreau's?" He nodded again, finding it to be the safest gesture.

"Right…I'll see you this evening." She stepped forward without another word and left Hope dumbfounded. He still didn't know if he was treading on safe ground. When time started again he did the math and found he should probably get ready. He took off and put Light's odd answer behind him.

His first objective was achieved.

* * *

Hope was wrong. If he'd asked her earlier or not, he would still be a mess of nerves. Shouldn't have chosen a polo shirt. Even with short sleeves and sitting outside it was too hot. Today was a day of bad ideas. Idly, he realized the glass topped table was shaking when his glass of water started to migrate. He placed his hand on his bouncing leg and settled it. He knew Lightning would pick up on any weakness. And he knew firsthand how much she hated weakness. She'd probably turn around and leave. Now he was just sabotaging himself.

_Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking–Wait, aren't I thinking if I keep thinking–Shut up Hope. Now really, stop thinking._

"Hello, Hope."

The nervous man looked up and saw a well groomed Lightning standing before him. He had to keep his mouth from dropping open. Light didn't look the type to fancy a lavender sundresses. "H-Hi Light," Hope finally answered when he found his fleeing voice. "You look nice."

"Thank Serah," Lightning replied quickly and Hope swore he could see the slightest blush. For once her light pink hair was brushed into smooth waves instead of slung over her shoulder as an afterthought. If this was Serah's work, Hope swore she was some kind of miracle worker. At best he was expecting her in a dress uniform. Suddenly curious, his eyes dropped down then back up. Nope. Looks like Serah didn't convince her to wear heels. Sandals instead, still a good choice.

Her feet were shuffling back and forth and he caught her gaze darting about the street. Unshakable Lightning actually appeared to be nervous. Probably didn't want to be recognized looking like a real, feminine woman. She really did do something nice for him tonight so he decided to be the white knight and save her from prying eyes.

"Why don't we take a walk? The lake's that way and I hear it's really pretty at night," Hope ventured as he rose from his chair.

"Sure, sounds fine."

He still wasn't sure if she was upset with him or not. Maybe Serah had some kind of blackmail against her and that's the only reason she dressed up like this. He was starting to think this wasn't such a good idea. As a gentleman he offered her an arm and she started a moment before finally getting the idea. She slipped her arm in his though he could feel she was tense. Terribly tense. Maybe a bit of idle conversation on their walk to the lake would be more relaxing.

"So looks like you got promoted in the last little while," Hope began, trying to find something she would be comfortable with. As they walked he began to think this may have been a very bad idea. Using an old promise to coerce her into a date. What was he thinking?

"Yes, to Lieutenant," Lightning began and Hope was ready with another question when she continued. "I was finally able to attend officer training. It was delayed so long after Cocoon fell but I've been doing officer duty the entire time. Just never really had the time to make it official. I'm filling in now training recruits. As you saw earlier. "

Well that was more of an answer than he expected.

"Yeah, sorry for interrupting that," Hope replied sheepishly. It was a bad idea to go find her on the job. Very stupid idea…

"They'll live. Maybe." Her brows were knit in frustration as she recalled the hooligans she was to turn into soldiers. "You were far better behaved than they were."

"Sure it's not just nostalgia getting to you?" Hope joked. He didn't let her know that back then it was either follow the scary woman and toughen up or death and she seemed like the better choice at the time. Though now he was glad he made that choice. He could feel her arm relaxing the slightest bit the farther they traveled from the crowded street.

"Perhaps. And what have you been up to besides graduating early?" Lightning quickly changed the subject.

"Well since the universities are still trying to get all the classes online I'm kind of doing college and hands on work at the same time," Hope recounted. He couldn't help but smile about how he fell into his current line of work. "Working with the mana drive engineers. After the fal'Cie disappeared some of the drives stopped working. So they've been trying to mimic how the monsters do it. And turns out working with pseudo-magic is one of the few places a former l'cie is more than welcome. After I graduated they all but begged me to work with them. Guess they like having someone that knows the real thing." He didn't mention that a large part of his motivation for graduating early was to get away from people treating him like a second class citizen.

"You and Sazh were always good with electronics. Even when you shouldn't have been playing with them," Hope's companion teased. "I'm glad you've found a place you can excel."

"Well I did try the Guardian Corp first, actually…" Hope admitted sheepishly. "The recruiters were at the school and I tried the obstacle course they set up. Those courses and just trying to survive really aren't the same thing. So I didn't do too well but I got a new nickname."

"Do I want to know?" Lightning asked, sounding the slightest bit worried.

"Well uh…They called me Hopeless."

"Those recruiters wouldn't know a good candidate if they bit him on the ass," Lightning retorted defensively. It sounded like her pride was wounded. Which meant Hope had let her down.

"Well we don't know how much was the l'cie stuff and how much was m-"

"Don't make excuses. I'm not upset with you because of their idiocy," Lightning cut him off but Hope had the sneaking suspicion she was just licking her wounds. They were along the lakeside now, mere meters from the shore. He had an idea. Possibly a bad one but what was one more bad idea among a night of mistakes?

He led her closer to the water, leading her onto one of the piers. She didn't appear to be paying close attention, still seething. It pained him to see her hurting like that. He knew he'd caused it and he wanted to fix it. This was the only way he knew how. Distraction.

"Hey Light?"

Lightning turned to glare at him but the minor distraction was all Hope needed. He curled his arm around Lightning's back and pulled her off the pier into the water.

The cold water cleared his mind and he realized that he was very much a dead man. This kind of impulsive thinking got him in trouble four years ago too. It was only justice that Lightning would murder him now. He quickly surfaced and looked about for the undoubtedly pissed off woman but could see neither hide nor hair of her. Maybe that dress got heavier when it was we-

And suddenly he felt tugged under by his shirt and a hand pushing his shoulders down. He struggled and pushed back before finally getting loose and surfacing. Wide green eyes met aqua and the next thing he saw was a wave of water in his face. He wiped the water from his face only to be assaulted by another splash. Reflexively he splashed back and swam away from the source. Lightning held his gaze again this time, treading water somehow in that dress.

"Hope, what possessed you to toss us into the lake?" Lightning finally demanded more than asked. Even with shivering lips and a sundress trying to drown her, she was still scarier than Orphan could hope to be.

"Um…impulse? You know I kind of do that...The dreadnaught, the Gapra Whitewood, trying to kill Snow, that other dreadnaught…" The excuse felt weak but it was completely honest. Either way, he only had minutes to live. At least he'd gotten her mind off her perceived failure in his final moments. She still stared at him. She wanted a better answer.

"I wanted you to feel better and I didn't know how to get your mind off what was making you mad." He tried again.

"Did you try asking?" She asked incredulously.

"Would you have answered?" Hope retorted without thinking then wincing as he knew he was just digging his grave deeper.

She turned to swim to shore and he followed, ready to meet his fate. But when she got to store and stood on the sand, she didn't try to murder him where he stood and only began to wring out her skirt. "This is why I prefer my uniform…" he barely heard her mutter under her breath.

"Sorry, it was stupid. You can kill me now…" Hope fully expected a fist to the face and Lightning never speaking to him again.

"So you did it because you wanted me to feel better?" Lightning instead asked and Hope stared for a minute, his brain completely stopped. He was alive and his face unbruised. He'd take his changes with answering.

"Yeah…But it was stupid, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have made you keep that promise," Hope started, finding that he just wanted to explain himself somehow but couldn't find the words.

"I always keep my promises," she said again, wringing her hair out. Blue-green eyes were leveled at him and she left her locks hanging over her shoulder. "And I want to ask you something. I know I asked you this all those years ago but…I just want to know. You didn't just ask me out because you thought I was lonely, did you?"

He could detect the slightest bit of sadness in her tone. And even that little bit was killing him. It was the same question she'd asked years ago too. Back then he didn't have an answer. Not one that would stand up to her cold logic. But he'd had years to think this one out. He found the words he needed, knowing he knew what to say this time.

"No," Hope said with confidence. "That's not the reason." He leveled his eyes with hers, this time having to tilt his head down instead of up to meet her gaze. She'd taken a breath and was about to open her mouth to shoot him down again, but he was faster.

"I asked you out because I want you to be happy. And I know I can help," He said and stunned the woman before she could form a sentence. He risked a step closer to the confused soldier.

"You're an amazing person, Light," Hope began, holding up a hand when Light found her voice and undoubtedly disagree with his observation. "You saved me back then. Without your help, I would have died or worse." He shook his head as he remembered how aimless his life was before the lCie incident and fall of Cocoon. "You taught me how to be brave. I ran away from everything until you made me face my fears. You taught me how to survive. Even more than that you taught me there was more to life outside of Cocoon. I never would have looked beyond my home town for anything. You opened that up to me. Without you, I would have been a cie'th because I wouldn't have taken the risks to take control of my own fate."

Her eyes were on the ground. She turned her head to the side and refused to meet his gaze. He knew that gesture well. She didn't want to listen. Not because of what he was saying but because she refused to believe she was that good of a person, some kind of hero.

"I'm not the kind of person you should be idolizing, Hope," Lightning said quietly, barely above a whisper.

"And why not?" The young man asked, equally quiet. He set a hand on her shoulder and her head jerked up quick as her namesake, eyes narrowed at Hope at the sudden contact then softened. "You're a good person, no matter what you think you've done. But you're always so sad. You don't really smile anymore. And when I see you like that I can't help but want to do something. I guess that's why I tossed you in the lake. I just want to see you happy, especially after everything you've done for me. And isn't that what love is?"

Hope could feel her breath stop and her body tense at his last statement. Again he was acting on impulse. Again he waited for the rejection or the slap. Lightning's eyes were wide and he could all but see her mind working away at what she was going to refute that with. He beat her to the punch.

"I know," he said quickly and realized it might have said it louder and more forceful than intended. "I know what you're going to say," He said softer. "I'm just a kid. I don't know what love is. I haven't seen enough in life to even begin to think about what love could be. But if wanting to see the most important person in your life be happy isn't love, then tell me what is."

Lightning looked at him for a long time; those deep aqua eyes he could see were scanning him closely. Judging him.

"Just give me a chance, alright? Even if I screwed up tonight and even if you don't love me back I want to at least see you smi-"

Hope didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. He'd found his words cut off when he was pulled forward by a fistful of shirt and his lips meeting Lightning's. She lingered a moment before letting go, her gaze settling with his again. It was his turn to stare confused and he was truly at a loss for words.

"Hope," Lightning began with a shake of her head. "You talk too much." Hope felt his face flush as he realized his was making quite the impassioned speech without letting her get much of a word in edgewise. She smiled, a genuine expression he hadn't seen in a long time as she smoothed more water out of her dress. "Serah's going to kill me…" She muttered before looking up to Hope with a wicked grin. "Or…she might just kill you."

"So…" Hope finally found his voice. "_You're _not going to kill me?"

"No. Serah is," Lightning replied matter of factly.

"So…if I survive…Does this mean I can ask you out again?" Hope figured he'd push his luck a little more to see if it held out.

"If Serah doesn't manage to guilt you to death, then sure. But I get to pick the activities next time." Lightning put an extra emphasis on the last bit. Hope didn't blame her.

"Deal. I promise not to be an idiot next time too," Hope nodded. "So, can I walk you home?" He held out his arm to her. "We can take the back way."

This time she took his arm without hesitation and far more relaxed. "I would like that."


End file.
